This Is Not My Beautiful Wife

In Thinking About Food on July 7, 2010 at 12:35 pm

Or, How Did I Get Here?

One thing that’s particularly fascinating about running a blog is the stats page — up-to-the-moment statistics on how many visitors, how many hits, how many subscribers, your blog has generated or attracted. The stats page also shows referrers, or websites that have led readers to click on your pages. Some of these are links intentionally set up by a website’s author (particular high-traffic-thanks to Sauceome and Slashing Tongue!), while others are randomly generated by a website host and lure unsuspecting and probably uninterested readers to your page (mesothelioma law firms and pandora charm bracelets, I’m looking at you).

But the facet of the stats page that I’m currently obsessed with: the search engine terms summary, which gives you a list of the terms people have used to find your blog.

Predictably, the top three terms that have led readers to my blog are  variations on “smart cabbage,” “smart cabbage blog” and “smart cabbage food.” (And one kind of disturbing search for “smart cabbage login.” Back off, hackers!)

But the next most popular term that’s led folks to Smart Cabbage-dom? Pork belly. As in,

  • pork belly dealings
  • pork belly fatback
  • storing pork belly
  • pork belly bao (I can help you with that!)
  • is pork belly the same as side pork (ditto!)
  • what to do with side pork (hey, just read the pork belly entry!)

Queries about uses for palm sugar, and recipes for bahn mi, and how to use guanabana and tamarillo, have also led several web surfers to this blog. (I’d especially like to meet the folks who searched for “guanabana cocktails” and “palm sugar cookies.” Gimme a call sometime; let’s have a dinner party.) But the search terms I’m most fascinated by are the ones that are sort of funny, or sort of sad, or both. Like:

  • dirty dog cabbage (I hope you found what you were looking for, but I’m certain you didn’t find it here.)
  • queso blanco smells (yes. yes, it does.)
  • pregnant but I ate a deli ham cuban sandwich (stop scaring pregnant women!)
  • food that make unborn baby smart (I. will. not. make fun of this one.)
  • in mexican food what is the cabbage stuff (um… cabbage?)
  • guava pulp exporters (file this under ‘jobs that have never occured to me’)
  • popsicle bubbles strawberry dollar store (I have no idea what, exactly, this person was searching for)
  • can you turn ranch dressing into Caesar (et tu, Brutus?)
  • are pickled daikon and cabbage cancer causers (where do people get their medical information? the internet, apparently.)

But even as I’m typing this, I’m thinking about all of the hastily typed and probably misspelled search terms I’ve used in my life, and how weird and ridiculous they would look when taken out of context. To quote liner notes from the Beastie Boys, describing how the satiric portrayal of frat boy douchebags in the “Fight For Your Right” video became exactly what their fans expected/wanted from them: “Be careful what you make fun of or you might become it.”

  1. Hahahah, I laughed my ass off at the search terms (and your responses to them). I tried searching for you with ‘Sexy Smart Cabbage Woman Pregnant’, but the results were all like “How can I tell if my woman is a gold digger’ and ‘dressing tips for short women’ (<- hey that one might actually be helpful!).

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