Searching for the Right Words

In Thinking About Food on March 5, 2011 at 8:59 pm

Even when I wasn’t writing during my winter hiatus, I’d check in with the site periodically to see if my blog was still getting much traffic (it was not) and if the search terms leading people to it were still hilarious (they were).

It still amazes me that, aside from the term ‘Smart Cabbage,’ the two queries that most often lead Googlers to my site are: are pork belly and side pork the same thing? (yes), and can I eat a Cuban sandwich if I’m pregnant? (yes, yes, a thousand times yes). I was wildly excited to see that someone searched for ‘def leppard hysteria listeria’ — word of my awesome anti-anti-raw-milk-cheese-paranoia song must’ve spread — and pleased that so many of the ingredients that puzzled me are stumpers for other people, too. The number of hits I get for ways to deal with pork belly, black currants, guanabana, palm sugar and salt roasting are encouraging — could Smart Cabbage actually be helpful? Because that would be rad.

I have to say, some of these search terms would make much, much better blog names than Smart Cabbage, like:

  • Teaching Cabbages to Talk
  • A Girl Who Hates Canning
  • Haters Town
  • How to Make Alien Clothes for Kids
  • A Meat Sliced Like Bacon
  • Tamarillo is Not Tomato
  • I Put Some Chili Powder On My Bum; It Was a Bad Idea

Some queries, as ever, fall into the terrifying/perplexing/bewildering category:

  • scaring pregnant women
  • stew maker Mexico acid
  • eating pregnant smart babies
  • girl funnel up ass with sugar
  • which compound can disintegrate bones: lye or lime

A couple speak eloquently and clearly for themselves:

  • anchovies are gross
  • my husband’s canning my ass

Don’t believe me about the pregnant food confusion thing?

  • pregnant cuban sandwich
  • can I eat a cuban sandwich while pregnant
  • can you eat a cuban sandwich while pregnant
  • can pregnant women eat cuban sandwiches
  • pregnant women cannot eat cuban sandwiches
  • can pregnant women eat deer summer sausage
  • garlic shoots for pregnant women
  • can pregnant women eat tamarillo
  • why are radishes bad when you’re pregnant
  • gruyere and pregnancy and listeria
  • can you eat cold leftovers the next day when pregnant
  • hosting out of town guests while pregnant
  • can pregnant women eat cabbage
  • where do pregnant women put cabbage

Some of these, I have no idea what the searcher was searching for, or how, exactly, they were directed to my site:

  • white jersey taste taste
  • gastronomic pedernales
  • headache from one nostril
  • cartoon kids sitting in diner cakes
  • fed ladybug black currant jam
  • smart and final avocado sauce
  • guanabana shirt
  • spoon stupid prop skin
  • sentence that smarts use nosebleed

Some people have questions I cannot answer:

  • how does butter with weed smell like
  • what is the nutritional value of corn nuts
  • how to cabbage with pork hogs
  • what does the hiatus from Japan eat
  • why is cabbage goopy
  • is canning procrastination
  • where to buy a police grade bullhorn

Here’s hoping 2011 Smart Cabbage is as entertaining for you as it’s always been — in front of and behind the scenes — for me.

  1. Please do a piece on how to properly dissolve bone for your loyal, bone-dissolving readers.

  2. Goopy Cabbage???

Leave a Reply

Fill in your details below or click an icon to log in: Logo

You are commenting using your account. Log Out /  Change )

Google+ photo

You are commenting using your Google+ account. Log Out /  Change )

Twitter picture

You are commenting using your Twitter account. Log Out /  Change )

Facebook photo

You are commenting using your Facebook account. Log Out /  Change )


Connecting to %s

%d bloggers like this: